Sooner or later you three-way a doctor. Sometimes one will do a home visit, whacked out on his own medicine and good times are had by all. But, most of the time, as a serodicordant or seropositive couple, you go to see one together, or most often, separately. The doc can become the third in phantom ways. If […]


Recently, I was invited to read with two other writers. One gay and one bisexual. The bi writer made me reflect about a type of open relationship I had not contemplated before. For over a decade, the bisexual man had been living straight and having men on the downlow. He decided it was time to […]

Looking for the Third

This is not a how-to self-help tip but it seems that I have done this before. It is a crap shoot, it takes time that you will never see back and the results are 50/50 or worse. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a terrible third wheel seeker. I have never fully comprehended the […]

The risk of NOT opening your relationship

This I write for gay men, but surely there are morsels here for the straights reading these lines. I was in a barely spoken open relationship for years. I have always been in an open relationship, known and unbeknownst to me. Gay sex is like train stations, crisscrossed by motivations, traffic, arrivals and departures. It […]

The 3 Way Shame

3 ways generate anxiety and a modicum of shame. The days, hours and minutes before the other, one or more, the stranger, cousin or sort of acquaintance who has agreed to this prickly but promising venture, arrives. a 3 way will always ruffle the feathers of self-esteem. Probably, many couples of different ilks do not […]

Open relationship: it’s nice to be you

I grew up listening to schmaltz songs about spurned love and mistresses. “La otra” (mujer/woman), the third wheel always having it better. Women’s stuff I thought from my queer but ultimately machista perspective. I wished I was the mistress of a dark handsome slightly violent exotic land man. In an open relationship, queer or not, […]

Weird openings

Thing is, to others, our openings will always seem odd. Until we admit we have those openings. I met a couple who have been together for twenty years and never told each other they had tricks or hook ups or even short term lovers on the side. As long as their time together didn’t suffer. […]