Looking for the Third

This is not a how-to self-help tip but it seems that I have done this before. It is a crap shoot, it takes time that you will never see back and the results are 50/50 or worse.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a terrible third wheel seeker. I have never fully comprehended the bam-wham-thank you-man! thing. I always want to chat too much before or after sex, to get to know someone or start a friendship. It doesn’t jive with the full-efficiency economy of gay lives. But when it happens, it is magical. I have long term friends I have fucked with first. And a trail of used bones and bizarre situations behind me.

ChinaScroll_threesome

 

What are we talking about here? Seeking one to drag into your liar of iniquity, shake off the shame and the pray and fuck 3-way? The secret for me has been to keep low expectations, set limits to the hunting time, be polite to your guest and entertain Mr. Sloane properly. This set up involves lots of work.

Seeking to be the third on someone else’s trio seems easier but dodgier. You do not know what they are saying to each other. In some cases you get the bad vibe like poltergeist, the moment you step into their place. You are trapped, you have to perform. One of them hates you; maybe you are better looking or more self-confident. The other one wants to fall in love with anything with an erection. They hate each other and you want the earth to swallow you.

When you are the third wheel and the triad works, it is coasting all the way to excess! Just be mindful not to overstay your welcome. Most men change radically when we have ejaculated. We are like…done. Chop-chop. It is time to go. If they are good hosts, they will offer a shower. They should have read a sort of Ann Landers gay book of sexual etiquette. But of course, I am getting old-school and to be offered a shower and a glass of water is already too much to ask for these days. Off you go on the street to walk (funny) in shame reeking of fluids, your lovely feathers all ruffled! (aside here to say that this brings me back memories of Chicago, early morning, after a three-way, being picked up by a stranger in a car at a corner. He must have a better sense of small than Smilla’s).

Probably the most difficult and satisfying three-way combo is that in which all three men are strangers to each other. It is a serendipitous moment: you are all in the same city, mood and craving. At first gland, you find the other two similarly attractive and so do they (you think).m It is a free for all. Perform to the best of your abilities to get going with someone in tow. It is the Hunger Games of gay.

And probably there are brilliant folks that for various reasons of disability, impairment or handicap and social isolation, do not host or travel and they are having amazing online three ways. Why not! technology is truly assistive.

In summary, the idea is brilliant and sexy but the execution is mostly sloppy and a sexual bingo that never ends. Let’s play!